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February 1, 2018

When we feel generally secure, that is, we are comfortable with closeness and confident about depending on loved ones, we are better at seeking support – and better at giving it.  In a study by psychologist Jeff Simpson of the University of Minnesota, each of eighty-three dating couples filled out questionnaires about their relationship and then sat in a room.  The female partner had been warned she would soon be participating in an activity that made most people very anxious (the activity wasn’t spelled out).  The women who de...

December 15, 2017

We now know that conflict in your relationship is not bad.  In fact, with the right approach, fighting with your partner can bring you closer together.  In my last blog, we covered the essential tools for communicating with your partner when there is a conflict, or when one partner is struggling with an issue.   We used the acronym L.O.V.E, which includes Listening, Openness, Validation, and Empathy.  For a greater description of what this looks like, please read the previous blog and then come back and join us.  It should take...

December 1, 2017

In my last blog we discussed the idea that conflict between partners, despite common belief, is not bad.  In fact, if it’s done properly, conflict provides an opportunity for you to get closer to your partner.  Healthy conflict includes love, respect, and patience.  When you practice these variables during a fight, you will come through the other end with greater connection.  The question then becomes, ‘How do you communicate with each other when there’s an issue?’ 

            Here’s the first thing we learn...

November 15, 2017

Conflict is bad.  This seems to be a universal truth.  But let me fill you in on a little secret.  This is not true.  Conflict is not bad.  In fact, conflict provides us with an opportunity to get closer to one another – provided of course it’s done in the right way.  When a couple engages in a fight in a healthy way, and resolves the issue, they are closer at the other end.  Isn’t this ultimately what we’re striving for?  Connection. 

            The question then becomes, ‘How doe we com...

November 1, 2017

Here’s what I know for certain.  85% of all couples who come to see me struggle with communication.  Here’s why.  Men and women are, DIFFERENT!  We learned this from my earlier blogs, so if you’re only joining us now, it would be helpful to go back and get up to speed.  We’ll be right here when you get back.  Done?  Okay, let’s move on.  The differences between men and women are vast, but for today, we’re going to focus our effort on communication. 

            Let’s start with how women c...

October 1, 2017

Welcome back!  To bring you up to speed, here’s what you’ve missed.  A HAPPY WIFE = HAPPY LIFE.  When do you make your wife happy?  ALL THE TIME!  When you do, she multiplies that happiness and gives it back to you ten-fold.  So the question then becomes, ‘How do you make your wife happy?’  Attention, Affection, and Appreciation.  So far, we’ve covered the tools for Attention, so you haven’t missed much.  But it’s best to start from the beginning because each blogs builds upon the last....

September 15, 2017

In my last blog we discussed the idea of how to make your wife happy.  Insert obvious joke here.  We introduced the topic of Attention, including Undivided Attention (no tv, no cell phones, no electronic devices of any kind), and Assuming the position (sitting close to your wife, arms and legs uncrossed, while maintaining eye contact).  Explanations and the importance of these can be found in my previous blog.   Homework was give to practice 2 minutes of Undivided Attention every day for the past 7 days.  So, how did it go?  Wa...

August 15, 2017

To say that relationships are difficult is an understatement.  As a psychotherapist and couples counselor over the past decade, I have been interviewing and providing therapy to many couples.  The first thing I learned, which was confirmed by thousands of interviews/counseling sessions with my own clients, was that Men and women are, DIFFERENT!  Full stop.  What the hours of interviews and counseling taught me was that they didn’t understand each other; how their partner communicated, how he/she connected, or engaged in conflic...

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